4th December 2016
Dec. 4th, 2016 12:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silvs_advent_dw Christmas Cracker Jokes!
Of course, they make us groan, but it wouldn't be Christmas without them!
(With thanks to the Telegraph.co.uk website!)
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
Auld Fang Syne
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
25. There’s "no EL"!
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards!
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
What's the most popular Christmas wine?
'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
They keep loosing their needles!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad!
Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas?
Noël Coward!
How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?
He has Santa claws!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!
What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered!
And after that little lot I expect that MY days are numbered!
Of course, they make us groan, but it wouldn't be Christmas without them!
(With thanks to the Telegraph.co.uk website!)
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
Auld Fang Syne
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
25. There’s "no EL"!
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards!
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
What's the most popular Christmas wine?
'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
They keep loosing their needles!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad!
Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas?
Noël Coward!
How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?
He has Santa claws!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!
What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered!
And after that little lot I expect that MY days are numbered!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2016-12-04 01:54 am (UTC)Oh my god - why don't we have Christmas crackers here? I'd have sooooo much fun with them, I'm sure :D
Austria needs a new tradition! I'm starting a petition!!!!
:D
no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-06 11:40 pm (UTC)*rubs her hands in anticipation*
I'll absolutely do that this year! :D
no subject
Date: 2016-12-04 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-04 03:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-04 06:17 am (UTC)Ho! Ho! Ho!
no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-04 12:51 pm (UTC)I'll definitely use some of them at our Christmas dinner this year!
no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-04 01:18 pm (UTC)What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!
What's worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!
no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-04 04:00 pm (UTC)But yes, the old ones are the best . . .
no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-04 07:18 pm (UTC)But it wouldn't be Christmas with out the silly cracker jokes.
*G*
no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:19 pm (UTC)horrorfun!no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 12:11 pm (UTC):D
no subject
Date: 2016-12-05 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-06 07:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-07 11:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-11 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-11 11:52 pm (UTC)